Are you feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed—like you’re drowning?…
Lots of moms are struggling and a lot of times its in silence; and being a mom to 3 under 5, newly postpartum and a therapist really put that at the forefront of my mind…
Not only was I a mom feeling like I was drowning and an empty shell of myself, but I was listening to other moms who were feeling the same way. Even though I KNEW I wasn’t alone…I felt it. I had people—trust me. I have an amazing support system—family, church, friends….and yet it wasn’t enough. I tried everything. I even went to therapy. I got all the “stuff” off my chest, I cried, I went on a rollercoaster with my mood and mental well-being…but the therapy, the self-care, the fake-it-till-you-make-it attitude just wasn’t enough either. I still felt lonely; I still felt empty; I still felt like I didn’t know who I was looking at in the mirror—and I was taking it out on my husband, my kids, floundering at my job and putting on a mask everywhere else. I was at the end of my rope. Being a wife, a mom, a therapist, homeschooling my kids, keeping up with my church responsibilities, making sure the house stayed livable, cleaning, cooking, breastfeeding….I was spinning a million plates and felt like, at any moment, they could all come crashing down. I didn’t know what to do…until one day I made a simple choice. I opened my Bible and really read it for the first time in almost a year. A YEAR. That’s a long time to go without being in God’s word, and I was feeling it. Reading that night didn’t change anything immediately…it didn’t “fix” all my problems in an instant, but it was the beginning to my healing journey. The more I read and prayed, the more I started to feel like myself—and yes, I recognize that reading the Bible isn’t going to “fix” our postpartum hormones or lack of sleep and it’s not going to suddenly get rid of the millions of plates we are spinning. But it is going to change the way we view and handle those things. So don’t take this as “reading the Bible will fix all my problems”… because of course, God wants us to take care of ourselves in other ways. Eat the healthy food, talk out your feelings in therapy, gather with friends for fellowship, and move your body! All I’m saying is that there is a God shaped whole that we often try to fill with those other “fixes” and our time with God gets put on the back burner. We focus on taking the bubble baths and doing things for ourselves; and trying to eat healthy and going to workout; we try all the things, and when they don’t work…we’re confused. We wonder why we still—deep down—feel empty. God is not separate from the biological, social and mental aspects of our lives, so we can’t keep compartmentalizing Him to be. You can be in the word daily, but eating junk, not moving, isolating yourself and you’ll feel awful. Likewise, you can be living the healthiest lifestyle on the planet, but if you aren’t in God’s word then your spirit will be starving. I was at a place where both my physical body and my spirit weren’t being taken care of… double whammy, I know! But the more I fed my spirit with God’s word, the more motivated I became to nurture the physical, mental and social aspects of my life. I began to feel more at peace, more content, more STABLE—but most importantly I was learning so much about God, and focusing on Him is what made all the difference. I decided to start journaling my Bible and prayer time to help me stay disciplined, but to also help me remember the things I was learning in His word. Writing out my time with God has been such a healing and productive process, and I wanted to share that with other moms who might be feeling at the end of THEIR rope. Journaling isn’t what heals—God does. But I fully believe that He can use the tool of journaling to help us in a multitude of ways—ways that will ultimately bring us closer to Him. So if you’re feeling this… like you can’t keep up with it all and the plates are bound to come crashing down at any moment…. Take a deep breath and take one step forward. One step toward spending time with God. One step toward taking your thoughts captive….one step toward restoring your roar. Begin the journey and start writing fiercely, speaking fiercely and living fiercely for Christ.